What gives you the courage to keep going — even when there’s no visible destination ahead?
June 23, 2025 BY SHIVAANI TALESRA
The Leader Who Felt Nothing
I’ll never forget this coaching journey (sharing a brief extract with permission).
A senior leader, nearly two decades into their career. Thriving on paper. Respected by peers. Delivering results.
But emotionally? Numb.
- Not demotivated.
- Not motivated.
- Just… nothing.
They didn’t want to leave their job. But they didn’t know what they wanted either.
When we started working together, the phrases that came up most often were:
“I’m tired.”
“It’s not worth it.”
“I’m not like them.”
“I don’t know what needs to change.”
On the surface, this looks like a burnout. Or disengagement. Or a classic mid-career crisis.
But it was something deeper.
It was a profound disconnection — not just from the work, but from themselves.
When Action Plans Don’t Work
In coaching, there’s always a temptation to jump to solutions.
Set goals. Create action plans. Map out the next steps.
But sometimes, that’s the wrong move.
Because when someone is emotionally shut down, adding more “to-dos” doesn’t solve the problem. It deepens it.
This leader didn’t need a new strategy. They needed to reconnect with what mattered.
And that required a different kind of conversation.
The 1000-Layer Growth Ladder
In one session, we stumbled into a metaphor that changed everything:
“Imagine you’re standing at the base of a 1,000-layer growth ladder.”
You look up. You can see the layers stretching into the distance. But here’s the truth:
You know, for certain, that you’ll only reach maybe 500.
Not 1,000. Not even 800. Maybe 500 — if you’re lucky, if you work hard, if everything goes well.
So, here’s the question:
Will you still climb it?
The leader paused. Thought about it. And said:
“If I knew I’d only get to 500? No. I wouldn’t start. What’s the point?”
That answer revealed everything.
The Invisible Condition We All Carry
Here’s what most leaders don’t realise:
We’ve conditioned ourselves to move forward only when success is guaranteed.
We’ll take action — if we know it’ll work.
We’ll invest time — if we know it’ll pay off.
We’ll climb the ladder — if we know we’ll reach the top.
But life doesn’t work that way. Leadership doesn’t work that way.
There are no guarantees. No certainty. No finish lines where you “arrive” and can finally relax.
And when you operate with an invisible demand for certainty, you create a problem:
You stop moving.
Because if you can’t see the destination clearly, if you’re not sure the effort will be “worth it,” you stay stuck.
Not because you’re lazy. Not because you lack ambition.
But because you’ve made forward movement conditional on external validation.
The Shift: From Dependency to Courage
Over the next few sessions, we explored the ladder metaphor deeper.
We weren’t talking about goal-setting or career planning. We were exploring something more fundamental:
What empowers you to make thoughtful decisions when the outcome is uncertain?
We started peeling back layers:
- Assumptions about what success “should” look like
- Expectations borrowed from others (family, culture, industry norms)
- Stories about what it means to be “good enough”
And slowly, language emerged for things that had been unspoken for years.
Then, in one session, I asked:
“If you knew for sure that you’d reach your goal in three years — not tomorrow, not next month, but three years — how would you show up today?”
The leader thought about it. And said:
“Then I’d do it. Because I’d know it’s worth the time.”
And we sat in silence.
Ten minutes. Absolute silence.
Something was shifting.
The Moment Everything Changed
In the next session, the leader came back with a completely different energy. They said:
“Shivaani, I’ll run, walk, or even crawl if required — but I don’t want to stop. Please.”
shifted wasn’t external. It wasn’t about the job, the goal, or the ladder itself.
What shifted was internal:
From deep dependency on external certainty and validation…
The courage to move forward — not for applause, but in service of others.
They stopped asking, “Will this be worth it?”
And started asking, “What kind of leader do I want to be, regardless of the outcome?”
Through this coaching journey, we uncovered something profound:
What we call “normal” in leadership and life often isn’t.
Worry isn’t normal. Care is.
Worry is fear projected into the future. It’s mental energy spent on things you can’t control.
Care, on the other hand, is present. It’s action rooted in what matters most.
The leader had been worrying for years — about performance, perception, the next promotion, and whether they were “enough.”
But underneath all that worry? They deeply cared. About impact. About people. About doing meaningful work.
The shift was moving from worry (which paralysed them) to care (which energised them).
Expectation isn’t normal. Acceptance is.
Expectation is a demand that reality conform to your preferences.
Acceptance is meeting reality as it is — and choosing how to respond.
The leader had built their career on expectations:
- “I should be further along by now.”
- “This role should feel more fulfilling.”
- “People should recognise my contributions.”
And every unmet expectation reinforced the numbness.
The shift was moving from expectation (which bred resentment) to acceptance (which created freedom).
External validation isn’t normal. Contribution is.
External validation is needing others to confirm your worth.
Contribution is knowing your worth because you’re creating value — whether or not anyone notices.
The leader had been chasing validation for years. Promotions. Recognition. Approval from leadership.
But validation is a moving target. You get it, and then you need more.
The shift was moving from external validation (which felt empty) to contribution (which felt meaningful).
The Power of Deep Coaching
This is what coaching at its best can do.
It’s not about giving advice. It’s not about fixing problems.
It’s about creating space for someone to see themselves clearly — to notice the patterns, beliefs, and invisible conditions that have been running the show.
And then, to choose differently.
In this case, the coaching helped the leader:
- Map the mental steps they were taking between observation and action
- Peel off assumptions and borrowed expectations
- Find language for what had been unspoken
- Reconnect to what truly mattered
- Build courage to move forward — not despite uncertainty, but with it
And the result?
A leader who went from emotionally shut down to fully alive. From dependency on external certainty to internal conviction. From stuck to moving — powerfully, purposefully, sustainably.
The Question That Changes Everything
So, I’ll leave you with the same question I posed earlier:
What gives you the courage to keep going — even when there’s no visible destination ahead?
Because the truth is: The destination isn’t the point.
The point is who you’re becoming in the process. The impact you’re creating. The people you’re serving. The growth you’re experiencing.
The 1,000-layer ladder metaphor isn’t about reaching the top. It’s about recognising that the climb itself is the reward.
And when you shift your relationship with the journey — when you stop making forward movement conditional on guaranteed outcomes — everything changes.
You stop waiting for permission. You stop needing validation. You stop feeling stuck.
And you start leading from a place of courage, contribution, and deep alignment with what matters most.
Reflection Questions for Leaders
If this story resonates with you — if you’ve ever felt stuck, numb, or disconnected despite external success — ask yourself:
- What invisible conditions am I placing on my forward movement? What needs to be “certain” before I’ll take the next step?
- Am I operating from worry or care? Am I projecting fear into the future, or am I taking action rooted in what matters?
- Am I trapped in expectation or grounded in acceptance? Am I demanding that reality conform to my preferences, or am I meeting it as it is?
- Am I chasing external validation or creating contribution? Am I seeking approval, or am I focused on the value I’m creating?
- If I knew the journey would be long and uncertain, would I still start? What would give me the courage to keep going?
This Is the Power of Deep Coaching
Coaching isn’t just about performance improvement or skill-building (though those are valuable).
Deep coaching is about transformation.
It’s about:
- Seeing patterns, you’ve been blind to
- Uncovering beliefs that have been driving your decisions
- Reconnecting with what truly matters
- Building courage to move forward — not despite uncertainty, but with it
- Shifting from dependency on external conditions to internal conviction
And sometimes, that shift — that one coaching moment — changes everything.
Ready to Experience a Coaching Movement?
If you’re a leader who’s stuck, numb, or disconnected — despite external success — you don’t have to stay there.
Executive coaching provides the space, partnership, and perspective you need to:
- Uncover what’s holding you back
- Reconnect with what matters most
- Build courage to move forward — even without guarantees
- Lead from a place of contribution, not validation
Let’s talk about how coaching can help you shift from stuck to moving — powerfully, purposefully, sustainably.
Schedule a Confidential Discovery Call
Explore Our Executive Coaching Services
About the Author:
Shivaani Talesra is an ICF PCC and EMCC Senior Practitioner with expertise as an Executive & Leadership Coach, Senior Trainer & Facilitator, and HR/OD Consultant specialising in leadership growth, transition and presence, conflict resolution, and helping leaders navigate complex interpersonal dynamics. With 20+ years of senior leadership experience, she helps executives build the inner clarity and emotional regulation needed to lead through conflict effectively.
Key Takeaways
- The 1,000-layer growth ladder: Will you climb even if you won’t reach the top?
- Most leaders make forward movement conditional on guaranteed outcomes.
- What we call “normal” often isn’t: Worry vs. Care, Expectation vs. Acceptance, Validation vs. Contribution.
- Deep coaching creates space to see patterns, uncover beliefs, and reconnect with purpose.
- The shift: From dependency on certainty to courage to move forward.
- The journey IS the reward — not the destination
Word Count: ~1,950 words
Reading Time: 8 minutes
