The secret to sustainable success isn’t grinding harder — it’s making peace with the messy middle
The Paradox of Reflection
Reflection is powerful. Taking the time to reflect on how your day, week, month, or quarter has unfolded can provide clarity, perspective, and momentum.
But here’s where most of us get stuck:
How you reflect determines whether you move forward or spiral backwards.
Do you focus on what went well and what you can do better? Or do you fixate on how terrible things were and why you just can’t seem to do better?
The difference isn’t just about optimism vs. pessimism. It’s about whether you’re building a sustainable path forward — or setting yourself up for burnout.
The Hard Work Myth
We’ve been sold a lie about success: “The secret to success is doing the hard work.”
And yes, hard work matters. Discipline matters. Consistency matters.
But if hard work alone were the answer, every exhausted, overworked professional would be thriving. And we know that’s not the case.
The real secret to success isn’t just doing the hard work — it’s finding contentment and joy in the process.
It’s the satisfaction of making progress, not just the drain of pushing yourself forward. It’s a path built on self-reliance and self-care, embracing failures as learning opportunities, and nurturing your selfconfidence through the ups and downs.
And that requires a fundamental shift in how we think about progress.
The Rule of Thirds: A Game-Changing Framework
Olympic runner, award-winning actor, and writer Alexi Pappas shares a profound lesson in her memoir Bravey — one that applies far beyond athletics.
During a particularly difficult training period before the Rio Olympics, Pappas was struggling. The workouts felt impossibly hard. Self-doubt was creeping in. She wondered if she was cut out for this level of competition.
Her coach, also an Olympian, told her not to worry. This was simply The Rule of Thirds.
He explained:
“When you’re chasing a big goal, you’re supposed to feel good a third of the time, okay, a third of the time, and crappy a third of the time… and if the ratio is roughly in that range, then you’re doing fine.”
Read that again.
You’re supposed to feel crappy a third of the time.
Not 5%. Not “occasionally when things get tough.” A third of the time.
And if you don’t? If everything feels easy and comfortable all the time?
Then you’re probably not pushing hard enough. You’re not in the growth zone. You’re coasting.
Why This Changes Everything
The Rule of Thirds is liberating because it permits you to struggle.
It reframes difficulty not as evidence that you’re failing, but as evidence that you’re doing it right.
Let’s break it down:
Feeling Good 1/3 of the Time
These are the days when everything clicks. You’re in flow. The work feels energizing, not draining. You see progress. You feel confident. You’re reminded of why you started.
What this means: You’re not working hard enough if you never feel this way. Joy and momentum are part of sustainable success.
Feeling Okay 1/3 of the Time
These are the steady, unremarkable days. You show up. You do the work. Nothing spectacular happens, but nothing terrible either. You’re neither inspired nor discouraged.
What this means: These days aren’t something to dismiss or “get through.” They’re the foundation of consistency. They’re where discipline lives. Learn to love them, because they’re the majority of your growth journey.
Feeling Crappy 1/3 of the Time
These are the hard days. The ones where you question everything. Where you wonder if you’re good enough, smart enough, resilient enough. Where the goal feels impossibly far away, and the path feels impossibly steep.
What this means: You’re in the discomfort zone — and that’s exactly where growth happens. These are the days that test your commitment, build your resilience, and ultimately define your success.
What Happens When the Ratio Is Off?
The Rule of Thirds isn’t just a feel-good framework. It’s a diagnostic tool.
If your ratio is off, it tells you something important:
Feeling Good All the Time?
You’re probably not pushing yourself hard enough. You’re in your comfort zone, not your growth zone.
This might feel safe in the short term, but over time, it leads to stagnation. You’re not building new capabilities, taking on meaningful challenges, or preparing for the next level of leadership or performance.
What to do: Seek out stretch assignments. Set bigger goals. Take on projects that scare you a little.
Feeling Crappy Most of the Time?
You’re probably overextending. You’re fatiguing — physically, mentally, or emotionally.
This is the path to burnout. And burnout doesn’t just slow you down; it can derail you entirely.
What to do: Reassess your priorities. What can you delegate, defer, or drop? Where can you build in recovery time? Are you protecting time for rest, reflection, and renewal?
Feeling “Just Okay” All the Time?
You’re probably not engaged. You’re going through the motions, but you’re not connected to the why behind what you’re doing.
This is a red flag for disengagement. And disengagement over time erodes performance, creativity, and fulfilment.
What to do: Reconnect to your purpose. Why does this goal matter? What impact are you trying to create? If you can’t answer that, it might be time to reconsider whether this is the right goal.
Applying the Rule of Thirds to Leadership
As a leader, the Rule of Thirds isn’t just about your own experience — it’s about how you lead your team through the messy middle. 1. Normalize Struggle
Too many leaders operate as if struggle is a sign of failure. If a project is hard, something must be wrong. If someone is frustrated, they must not be cut out for the role.
But the Rule of Thirds reminds us: struggle is part of the process.
When you normalize this, you create psychological safety. People feel less pressure to pretend everything is fine when it’s not. They’re more likely to ask for help, share obstacles, and work through challenges instead of hiding them.
What this looks like in practice:
- In 1:1s, ask not just “How’s it going?” but “What’s been hard this week?”
- Share your own challenges openly. Let your team see that you struggle too — and how you navigate it.
- Celebrate effort and resilience, not just outcomes.
- Track the Ratio
Just as you might track performance metrics or engagement scores, consider tracking emotional and motivational trends — for yourself and your team.
Are you or your team members feeling crappy more than a third of the time? That’s a signal that something needs to be adjusted. Are you feeling good consistently? Maybe it’s time to raise the bar.
What this looks like in practice:
- During team retrospectives, ask: “What percentage of this project felt energizing? Steady? Draining?”
- Use pulse surveys or check-ins to gauge team sentiment over time.
- When someone’s struggling, ask: “Is this a normal hard, or an unsustainable hard?”
- Shift Your Perspective on “Okay” Days
In high-performance cultures, there’s often an unspoken expectation that every day should be exceptional. But that’s not realistic — or healthy.
The “okay” days aren’t failures. They’re the backbone of consistency. They’re where habits get built, where discipline shows up even when motivation doesn’t.
What this looks like in practice:
- Reframe “okay” days as wins. “I showed up. I did the work. That’s enough.”
- Encourage your team to value steady progress over constant breakthroughs.
- Model this yourself: share moments when you showed up despite not feeling inspired — and why that mattered.
Embracing the Obstacles with Grace
Progress is never linear.
It’s a whole lot of nothing, then a big leap forward. It’s two steps forward, one step back. It’s breakthroughs followed by plateaus.
And that’s okay.
The Rule of Thirds is a permission slip for you to embrace the obstacles — not as roadblocks, but as part of the path.
When you’re in the “crappy third,” you’re not failing. You’re building resilience. You’re learning what doesn’t work so you can discover what does. You’re developing the mental toughness that will carry you through the next challenge.
And when you shift your perspective this way, something profound happens:
You stop resisting the hard parts. You start learning from them.
You stop seeing struggle as evidence that you’re not good enough. You start seeing it as evidence that you’re exactly where you need to be.
The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
Here’s what Alexi Pappas said that captures this beautifully:
“Good thing I didn’t accomplish all my goals yet, because then what would I do tomorrow?”
Think about that.
Most of us are conditioned to think: “I’ll be happy when I achieve X.”
But what Pappas is saying is the opposite: The journey IS the reward.
The discomfort, the setbacks, the “okay” days, the breakthroughs — all of it — that’s where life happens. That’s where growth happens.
If you accomplished all your goals today, what would propel you forward tomorrow?
Reflection Questions for Leaders
As you think about your own leadership journey and the goals you’re chasing, ask yourself:
- What percentage of my week feels good? Okay? Crappy? Is my ratio roughly in the 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 range — or is it skewed?
- If I’m feeling crappy most of the time, what needs to change? Am I overcommitting? Lacking support? Working toward the wrong goal?
- If I’m feeling good most of the time, am I pushing myself hard enough? Am I staying in my comfort zone when I should be stretching?
- How do I talk about struggle with my team? Do I normalize it, or do I inadvertently create pressure to always be “on”?
- What would it look like to make peace with the messy middle? How would my leadership change if I stopped expecting linear progress?
Coaching Through the Messy Middle
One of the most powerful aspects of executive coaching is that it helps you navigate the “crappy third” with clarity and resilience.
A coach doesn’t tell you to push harder when you’re already fatigued. They help you see patterns you can’t see on your own. They ask the questions that reveal what’s really holding you back. They create space for reflection so you can adjust course before burnout sets in.
Coaching helps you:
- Identify when your ratio is off — and why
- Build resilience without burning out
- Reframe struggle as growth, not failure
- Develop the self-awareness to know when to push and when to rest
- Stay connected to your purpose even when progress feels slow
Because here’s the truth: You don’t need someone to tell you to work harder. You need someone to help you work smarter — and to remind you that the messy middle is exactly where transformation happens.
Ready to Navigate Your Growth Journey?
If you’re a senior leader navigating complexity, leading through ambiguity, or feeling stuck in the messy middle, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Executive coaching provides the clarity, support, and accountability you need to embrace the Rule of Thirds and lead with resilience, purpose, and sustainable high performance.
Let’s talk about how coaching can help you build the mindset, habits, and strategies to thrive — not just on the “good” days, but through all of it.
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About the Author:
Shivaani Talesra is an ICF PCC and EMCC Senior Practitioner with expertise as an Executive & Leadership Coach, Senior Trainer & Facilitator, and HR/OD Consultant specializing in leadership growth, transition and presence, conflict resolution, and helping leaders navigate complex interpersonal dynamics. With 20+ years of senior leadership experience, she helps executives build the inner clarity and emotional regulation needed to lead through conflict effectively.
Key Takeaways
- Progress isn’t supposed to feel good all the time
- The Rule of Thirds: 1/3 good, 1/3 okay, 1/3 crappy — that’s the growth zone
- If your ratio is off, it’s a signal to adjust
- “Okay” days are the foundation of consistency — learn to value them
- Struggle isn’t failure; it’s evidence you’re pushing toward growth
- Executive coaching helps you navigate the messy middle with resilience
